Mar 29, 2010

Viva La Radio

Are you familiar with the work of Kraftwerk? Skinny Puppy? Husker Du? Did you know that Robert Plant, in addition to singing in Led Zepellin, was also one of the founders of what is now unfortunately referred to as "alternative rock?"

We at 94.9 bet that you didn’t. You probably even use the term alternative rock don’t you? Well, you are an idiot. You know less about music than the IT guy who fixes our computers when they go down.

Here at 94.9, where it’s about the music, we know more about music than you do. That’s right. Actually, it’s not so much about the music as it is knowing the most about music. Our DJ’s make college radio DJ’s look like Rick Dees. Matt Pinfield stopped by the other day and said, “damn you guys know a lot about music.” And that’s true, we do know a lot about music.

If indie rock had a clitoris, 94.9 would be in a constant state of fingering that clitoris. Bow to the giant pulsating phallus that is 94.9. Get on your knees and worship the glistening cock that is San Diego’s only source for good music.

You probably think that the stuff you’ve been listening to is good don’t you? I bet you have a classic rock station preprogrammed on your car radio. You probably think that Radiohead’s best album is OK Computer. You probably think that Nirvana’s best album is Nevermind…gotcha, that one was a trick. Nirvana’s best album actually was Nevermind, one of the few instances of a band’s most commercially successful work also being the most accomplished artistically. But even if you do think Nevermind is Nirvana’s best album, it’s most likely for the wrong reasons.

You’re probably going to say you were in a band in high school. Well we were in five, and we played a different instrument in each. You played a five string bass? You pussy. We played a six, fretless.

In fact, this station is so cool, you shouldn’t even be listening to it. Go listen to 91 X. Better yet, why don’t you go to the Hard Rock cafĂ© and eat buffalo wings while you listen to The Verve Pipe. We’ll be in a corner booth at a trendy North Park dive bar listening to Lou Reed and drinking Stella Artois. What’s the name of this bar you might ask? Don’t worry, you’ve never heard of it.

Or instead maybe you and your parents can go have some rockin’ times at the Steely Dan show this weekend. We’ll be wearing a Replacements t-shirt and throwing blood on the concert attendees. Plan on sneaking a joint into the show? We’ll be doing so much Ketamine that we’ll appear comatose.

At 94.9 we recognize that most people are not nearly cool enough to listen to us (In fact, we’ve crunched some numbers and it turns out that there are actually less than ten in the entire City of San Diego). We’re so cool, our office staff are required to wear ear plugs because they are unworthy of the musical gospels we preach.

94.9, it’s about thinking you’re awesome.