The differences between men and women (sub-heading: women / men are crazy).
The difficulties of marriage in general.
New York cab drivers (or cab drivers in general).
Pharmaceuticals commercials (especially the long list of side effects the drugs have and how they are “worse than what the drug’s supposed to cure”).
The differences between gay and straight people.
How politicians are whores.
Whatever weird issue may be happening with your genitals.
Being fat / being skinny / being bald.
Whatever stupid thing you heard someone say recently.
Whatever stupid thing you saw someone do recently.
How people in general are stupid.
How your parents ruined your childhood / How your parents are crazy.
SUVs / Hummers.
How crazy _____ people (white, black, etc.) are.
Internet porn / masturbation.
How bad television is.
The size of your penis.
Legalization of whatever drug it is you like to do.
How stupid the government is.
The “crazy” celebrity encounter you had.
An impression of Christopher Walken.
How some foods that are “bad for you” used to be “good for you” and vice versa.
Bad drivers (including numerous sub-headings about how certain races of people drive or how men / women drive).
How women are willing to ask for directions and men aren't.
Any number of things that Bill Hicks or George Carlin has already said.
Anything followed by “what’s up with that?”
Using “absolute zero” or “cold fusion” as the basis of comparison for the difficulty of accomplishing a given task.
The South / Texas.
Your recent trip to the doctor.
Your recent trip to DMV.
How depressing it is to watch / read the news.
The city you’re performing in / just finished performing in.
Your trip from the last city you performed in to the current city you’re performing in.
Whatever happened on the set of your tv show / movie.
How cell phones used to be much larger than they are currently.
The frequency with which you engage in sexual intercourse.
The crazy thing that happened that one time when you were really drunk.