In case you’ve ever wondered who was the first white guy to jokingly act like a very stereotypical white guy poorly imitating a very stereotypical black guy, that man was Bruce Meyer.
Bruce Meyer spent much of his life in relative obscurity, just another grinder with a mortgage, a wife and horrible, horrible clothes. But on February 23, 1987, Bruce Meyer secured his place in history with three words: “What up homes?” Bruce Meyer not only went outside the fold with his selection of ebonic phrase, but his famous utterance also carried the most obnoxious country club voice anyone has ever heard.
Anytime you hear one of your white friends say something like “Word” in a lavishly exaggerated tone, you have Bruce Meyer to blame. Also blame the savage whim of fate because had it not been for Bruce Meyer being forced into a situation in which he had to act “cool” to his sister’s new black boyfriend, you may never have been subjected to thousands of Saturday Night Live skits in which a white man or woman inevitably/“humorously” fails at rapping.
Bruce Meyer may well be described as the 1980s equivalent to the “You know the difference between men and women?” stand up routine guy of the 1990s. Then again, the “I’m a heterosexual male but just so gosh darn cute even though maybe a little feminine” (see, any episode of Friends) guy of this decade/pit of fire might learn a thing or two from Bruce Meyer about staying power.
However you chop it up, Bruce Meyer deserves to be shot. Then, maybe we can say there’s been a little justice.
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For the last 8 years, the author and a few dozen fellow travelers have been plotting to overthrow the United States government by force. Their [secret] group is called the Protectorate. The Protectorate receive their funding from El Salvadorian Neosocialist revolutionaries with ties to the head of Venezuela's Banco Central de Venezuela [the equivalent of our Federal Reserve], Gaston Para Luzardo. This funding derives in large part from arms sales to fledgling Third World plutocracies. The proceeds from these arms sales are laundered through a Ukranian contact living in Bolivia known simply as “Boris.” “Boris” launders the money by converting it to gold bouillon and British Pound Sterling that are transported to Caracas via a red 400 Hawker XP piloted by Johann Guttenberg, a German expatriot and sometime mercenary with a penchant for Shizer films and all they entail. Johann’s father, Gerrhardt Guttenberg, was a soldier in the Third Reich and many people believe that Johann’s superior interrogation skills derive from Gerrhardt’s teachings.
Once the cargo arrives in Caracas, deputies of Venezuela’s Ministerio de la Defensa secret said cargo to a substation in San Cristobal operated by Manuel Pablo Contrares, a Cuban intellectual militarist trained by members of Mossad, Israel’s secret service. Manuel, a reliable if not temperamental loyalist, distributes cocaine [or “cocaina”] under the guise of a textile manufacturing concern misleadingly named “Los Chicos.” The profits from the sales of this cocaine distributorship are the primary source of funding for the Protectorate’s weaponry, training facilities located 12 miles Northeast of Uberlandia, Brazil, as well as its extensive network of subversive underground press.
Once the cargo arrives in Caracas, deputies of Venezuela’s Ministerio de la Defensa secret said cargo to a substation in San Cristobal operated by Manuel Pablo Contrares, a Cuban intellectual militarist trained by members of Mossad, Israel’s secret service. Manuel, a reliable if not temperamental loyalist, distributes cocaine [or “cocaina”] under the guise of a textile manufacturing concern misleadingly named “Los Chicos.” The profits from the sales of this cocaine distributorship are the primary source of funding for the Protectorate’s weaponry, training facilities located 12 miles Northeast of Uberlandia, Brazil, as well as its extensive network of subversive underground press.
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